Dealing with the Heartbreak of Disappointment

Remember your first heartbreak? To this day, you can still painfully recall that "kicked in the stomach" feeling and the hurt you thought would never go away. Sure, we can all recall this feeling and we convince ourselves that once we pass our adolescent years, this feeling will never return, right? But for those of us who teach, we will inevitably have that feeling of heartbreak before we retire. No it will not be because our first crush just took a job at our school and all of those suppressed middle school feelings resurface. It will be, however, because we will have our hearts heavy with disappointment from one or more of our students. We have done all we know to do. We have encouraged. We have supported. We have lost sleep and even let our own families down to reach out to a student we see heading down the wrong path. Whether the student decides to drop out of school, or she decides to start back using drugs after a few very long months of sobriety, or even whether the student we were trying to help just shuts down and walks away. Most of us in education love our students as our very own children. We hurt for them. We cry for them. We work to help in every way we can. We will save so many, but we must face the harsh reality that truly loving our jobs means we will face disappointment.

I once had someone ask me if I ever embellished my teacher stories or if I ever made up endings to sound good. I have not, but it made me think about why I choose to share some stories and not others. I am always willing to share the ones with the storybook endings, but I am not so open about the ones that left me with tear filled eyes and sleepless nights. "Why don't you talk about those?" asked the stranger sitting next to me. "Can't you teach as much through the stories of disappointment as you can from the stories of success?" I had not thought about it that way before; however, I have thought a great deal about this since our random conversation at a conference earlier this year. Yes, there is much to be learned from the good and the disappointing in our profession. As teachers, we are willing to share the good and talk about the lives we feel we helped to change for the better. We don't talk so much about the ones who broke our spirits by dropping out of school or continuing down the path of poor choices. I could never really answer this person when he asked me "Why don't you talk about that?" So here is my answer:
Teaching is the most difficult job anyone could have. Not because we are asked to wear so many hats or that we feel overworked and under-appreciated. It is because we pour our hearts into our "jobs" and when one of our students makes a poor choice, it is emotional for us. We don't talk about the "disappointments" because it would tear us down too quickly. It is focusing on the things that bring a smile to our face that get us through this very emotionally taxing career. To my fellow teachers who have cried the tears and lost sleep at night, remember that we help more students than we don't. We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, but that is why we are teachers. Through the good and the bad, the highs and the lows we will always care about our students. We will be proud "parents" when our kids make good choices and rise above. Likewise , we will cry and hurt when we watch them make mistakes.